


The Crime Can Be Forgot

by astrumporta



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-18
Updated: 2006-03-18
Packaged: 2019-02-02 16:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12730032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrumporta/pseuds/astrumporta
Summary: A mission has unexpected consequences for SG-1, threatening the future of the team.





	The Crime Can Be Forgot

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: Minor character death (an original character). Some bad language.  


* * *

O but there is wisdom  
In what the sages said;  
But stretch that body for a while  
And lay down that head  
Till I have told the sages  
Where man is comforted.

How could passion run so deep  
Had I never thought  
That the crime of being born  
Blackens all our lot?  
But where the crime's committed  
The crime can be forgot  
\-- William Butler Yeats, "Consolation"

Daniel sat cross legged on the dusty ground, the conversation washing past him as he translated the panels just touching his knees.

"And we use these things called skates," Jack was saying. "Sort of like shoes with knife blades along the bottom. You balance on the blade edges, and you can really work up some speed." Out of the corner of his eye, Daniel saw Jack mimic the sideways pushing motion of ice skating, arms bent and swaying just a little.

"I cannot imagine standing on knife blades or moving across water in such a manner, Jack," said Ilan in wonder. Daniel smiled, happy to have Ilan along; after all, it was his people who had shown them this place. Still, he knew he'd be making faster progress without any distractions.

"No see, it's not water," Jack corrected. "Well, of course it is water, but it's frozen. It's ice, like I said. Hmm. Daniel - what could be another word for ice?"

Daniel glanced up to see Jack looking at him expectantly, eyebrows raised, while Ilan gazed at each of them in turn. "It's not that he uses a different word, Jack. Weren't you listening during Sam's briefing about the UAV findings?"

"Are you kidding?"

Daniel shook his head. "Sorry I asked. The point it, this is a temperate coastal area. Ilan's probably never seen ice, at least not on the scale you're talking about."

Jack's eyebrows arched skyward. "Never seen ice?" He turned back to Ilan. "The, uh, the water never freezes here? Never gets so cold that it becomes solid?"

"No, Jack. Winter travelers have told stories of lakes in the mountains that are hard to the touch, but I have never believed them." Ilan's dark eyes grew larger as he realized the stories might be true.

"Well, believe it. You haven't lived until your pipes have burst." Jack slapped Ilan on the back, oblivious to his confusion. "Anyway, doesn't sound like ice hockey will be the next big thing here. Okay, how are you with a baseball?"

Daniel sighed and returned to his work as Jack continued his heartfelt if misguided efforts to spread Earth's sports across the galaxy. The panels before him were part of a set that surrounded the covered entranceway to the cave; each panel was of dark metal with raised silver markings. They were set cleverly into the craggy rock so they were all flat and flush with each other. The cave entrance itself was well hidden, up the side of a hill and obscured from below by brush and trees.

The local populace had lived nearby for five generations, descendants of a small group of refugees from Goa'uld slavery who had found this planet by blindly dialing addresses on their DHD. Daniel shuddered to think how many of them must have died after stumbling into hostile conditions. The alloy metals of the cave door and the panels pre-dated those refugees' arrival through the Stargate by many hundreds of years according to the scans Sam had performed. The material indicated a much higher level of technology than the current pre-industrial inhabitants.

None of the villagers had ever been able to decipher the language or open the door, and they had no idea what lay beyond it. A mystery too hard to resist, thought Daniel. While he toiled under Jack's chatty protection, Sam and Teal'c were studying the local medicines with Ilan's wife, Tara. Based on what Tara had told them the previous evening, Sam was hopeful they'd find some medicinal herbs with useful properties.

The panels around the cave were covered with writing in a form of Greek, not so different from its modern Earth alphabet, though the usage was different and many words were unfamiliar. Daniel guessed this was the result of natural language evolution and the introduction of new words for new technologies, for one thing. Still, it was familiar enough for Daniel to make slow but steady progress on enough of a translation to get the gist of what was there.

He shifted his gaze up and down, from his notebook to the panels and back, chipping away at the mystery one word at a time, sometimes one letter at a time. The sun warmed his back through his black tee-shirt, while his boonie kept his neck from burning.

Daniel felt a hand squeeze his shoulder and flinched; he'd been so engrossed he hadn't heard the conversation end or Jack approach.

"Earth to Daniel," Jack said as he straightened. "Make that P3X260 to Daniel. Just wanted to see how it's going here. I'm getting hungry, and you need a break."

"I'm making good progress, Jack; I'm just stuck on this one passage. Why don't you go ahead - I've got my energy bars." Daniel relished the idea of working alone for a little while, in peace and quiet. "I'll be perfectly safe, really."

"Daniel?" Ilan was next to Jack, and Daniel turned to look up at them from under the brim of his hat. "Please come to my home for our mid-day meal. Jack has already agreed, and we would be very honored. Tara will join us with Samantha and Teal'c. Tara so enjoyed speaking with you last night. Almost too much, I think." He smiled, and Daniel felt himself blush.

Remembering the delicious meal they had shared at Ilan's home the night before made Daniel's mouth water. Still, he hated to break what was left of his concentration.

"C'mon, Daniel. You know you think better after you get away from something for a while." Jack held out his hand to help Daniel up. Sighing, Daniel closed his notebook in one hand and took Jack up on his offer with the other.

"Since when do you know when I think better, anyway?" he asked as they started the short walk down to the village.

"Years of direct observation, Dr. Jackson," was all Jack said. Daniel raised his eyebrows at the thought of Jack observing him on a regular basis.

* * *

Lunch was as good as dinner had been, eaten on benches at a long table in the shade of Ilan's family cottage. The main course was a spicy stew with fresh vegetables and meat from the local livestock, served with soft, warm bread and a somewhat bitter herbal tea. Jack drank from his canteen instead, Daniel noticed.

Jack said he was sure the local hide would make fine baseball covers. He took some blank pages from Daniel's notebook to sketch the necessary stitch pattern. He added drawings of a basic catching glove and a wooden bat for good measure. Then he waved it all away and promised to send over a starter supply of all the items from Earth, along with a rule book.

Ilan's two young sons listened with some enthusiasm, but soon turned their attention to Teal'c. They were amazed by his size and insisted on trying to pull his arms down by hanging from them. Teal'c bore it stoically. Ilan's small daughter, her hair and eyes as dark as Sha're's had been, was fascinated by Sam's blond hair and made herself comfortable in Sam's lap.

The mayor and several other villagers bade them hello in passing; they had never had visitors through the Stargate, good or bad, and were fascinated by SG-1. Daniel was a little worried that they weren't more wary. But after so many generations of being left in peace, it was hard to stay vigilant. For Ilan, as a junior member of the town council, being the one to host and accompany SG-1 on their adventures was a great source of pride and honor.

The villagers lived well if simply, and watching Ilan and his family, Daniel felt the familiar pang of a path not taken; of a path taken from him. He wasn't sure why Jack had taken to the people so strongly, but perhaps he was feeling his own bittersweet nostalgia.

"So what do you know so far?" Jack asked him as they were finishing their meal. Tara looked very interested in what Daniel had to say, which made him blush again. Ilan grinned and put his arm around his wife, who rolled her eyes but reciprocated, indulging him.

"Well, they called themselves the Pyrgosans. The panels tell a brief history of their civilization. They begin by saying there were only a few of them left to record it, after the serpent scourge had laid waste to their cities."

"Goa'uld?" Jack asked with a dark expression.

"It seems so. Strange, but it appears they were stolen from Earth by Goa'uld and left here - hence the roots of a familiar language. Their original Goa'uld left them here for whatever reason, and they developed on their own until the attack, from a different System Lord.

"I'd say the society was more advanced than Earth in some ways, but they apparently had no defense against a combined attack from space and the Stargate. Many were taken as hosts, many more killed. Some survivors were able to escape through the 'gate once the Goa'uld left, but a few stayed behind. To tell their story, I think."

"And the people here now?" Jack gestured broadly, sparing a smile for Ilan.

"Like Sam said, hundreds of years passed between the end of the first civilization and the arrival of Ilan's ancestors. There's nothing left of the original inhabitants except the cave, at least in this area. There is no connection I can see."

"Ah, but there is a connection, Daniel," Ilan interjected. "The Goa'uld. They destroyed those who were here before us, and they forced us to take refuge here, where we have made a good life for our people. Does that not bind us to these Pyrgosans in some way?"

"Yes. Yes it does, Ilan," Daniel said, and he thought about how many peoples were connected by that same tyranny.

"So what's in the cave?" asked Jack.

"I don't know yet, but I'm thinking it's more of their history, maybe artifacts or books. Something like what we would refer to as a time capsule."

"But probably nothing we can use against the Goa'uld," Jack said.

"Not likely - whatever they had didn't work for them." But Daniel wanted to open the cave anyway; it was what he did.

Sam said, "You never know, sir. By itself their technology might not have been effective, but if we could combine it with ours..."

"Indeed, that is a strategy the Goa'uld have employed very effectively, Major Carter," Teal'c said, and Ilan's sons looked up at him with open mouths, awed by the timbre of his voice.

"And besides, we can learn from failure as well as success, right?" Jack asked, smiling.

Daniel exchanged surprised looks with his other teammates. Not because Jack would have such an insight, but that he would admit to it.

Ilan stepped away from his wife, looking a bit anxious. "Daniel, I know we would have never opened the cave without your help. But I hope you will share with us what is inside. My people have for so long wanted to see what is there."

"Oh, of course," Daniel said, then looked to Jack for confirmation. Jack just tilted his head and raised his eyebrows, meaning he wasn't willing to make any promises. Ilan noticed the gesture and looked to Daniel for reassurance.

"Whatever is there we will share with you, Ilan. I promise." Daniel glanced at Jack for just a moment, long enough to see he was scowling a little.

Ilan nodded, satisfied that Daniel would do the right thing. "Perhaps you can teach me to read the language, this Greek," Ilan said. "In a way, it is the language of our ancestors here; I would like to be able to read their history as they themselves wrote it, to make that connection to my people."

Daniel felt warmed by Ilan's sense of history. "Of course, I'd be happy to teach you the basics of our form of Greek and bring you some textbooks. The rest will be up to you, but I'll come back now and then to see how you're coming along." He smiled at the thought that he'd had students on several planets.

* * *

The shadows were lengthening when Daniel came upon the passage that told him how to open the cave door. It was actually a simple puzzle, but it had required him to infer the meanings of several new words. It referred to individual characters one should press on the various panels, using a simple coordinate system of panel location and row and column of the lettering.

Daniel was surprised it was so easy in the end. Anyone capable of reading the language could get in, though even a Goa'uld would have the same trouble translating this variant of Greek. Daniel thought that meant there wasn't much of value in the cave, and wondered if the Goa'uld had already plundered it anyway. He tucked those thoughts away in favor of more positive ones.

"Jack, I think this is it." Daniel stood looking at his notes, and Jack and Ilan walked over to join him, ending their discussion of comparative fishing strategies.

"Good work. Let's see what we've got," Jack said.

Daniel touched the twelve letters indicated by the passage. He never would have noticed the difference from the other raised symbols, but each letter gave a little bit as he pushed it. After a moment, the door slid to the side, just as it was meant to do, and Daniel's heart skipped a beat in anticipation. They heard the exchange of air with that long-enclosed space and could smell the mustiness that was expelled.

Now that his waiting was over, Jack was all business, taking charge. He held up a hand to make sure no one went inside. Daniel felt the familiar balance of Jack's caution against his own curiosity and, after a moment of irritation, was comforted by it.

Jack punched the button on his radio. "Carter from O'Neill. Come in."

Sam answered with her usual promptness. "Here, sir."

"Daniel's got the cave door open. We're going to go in and take a look around. I want you and Teal'c to come join us, just in case we find something."

"Yes, sir, we're on our way. ETA is 20 minutes."

Jack signed off then turned to Daniel and Ilan. "Okay, we go in, but nobody touches anything until our backup arrives." Daniel nodded, but he was looking past Jack, trying to see inside, while Ilan practically bounced where he stood.

Daniel heard Jack sigh in exasperation, then say, "Let's prop this door open, just in case." They attached a simple c-clamp to the top of the door frame that would prevent the door from sliding past it.

Jack turned on his flashlight and shone it around the interior. Daniel knew he wasn't seeing anything alarming when he stepped inside and motioned for Daniel and Ilan to follow.

Inside, Daniel turned on and set down a large battery-powered lantern that lit up the cave quite well. The walls and ceiling were rugged and dark, with crystal highlights reflecting the light. The cave was roughly circular and about 20 feet across. At first glance it seemed empty, but then Jack stepped sideways and gestured to a door off to the right, made of the same dark alloy as the exterior door. There was a single large panel next to it.

"Looks like the first one was just a teaser." Jack said, then stepped back as Daniel approached the door, Ilan at his side.

Daniel stepped up to the panel. He saw it was divided into two halves, the upper half in larger lettering. He found he was able to understand it easily. "Oh, this is strange," he said.

"What?" Jack asked.

"This upper panel is in ancient Greek, as it was at the time these people were taken from Earth."

"And? So?"

"Well, it's just strange that they would write in what to them was a very old form of their language."

"What's it say?" Jack tapped his fingers on his P-90, out of impatience or wariness, Daniel wasn't sure.

"It says, 'Beyond this door lie the last treasures of the Pyrgosans. This is all that remains of a great civilization'." Daniel folded his arms as he stood.

"This is good news, isn't it?" Ilan asked, confused by Daniel's lack of enthusiasm.

"Maybe not, Ilan. I need to understand why they wrote it this way." Daniel was wrapping his mind around the evidence, fitting the pieces together. He looked at the lower half of the panel, which was written in the same modern Greek as the outside panel. "Jack, can you get my notebook from my pack?" he asked absently.

"Oh, I live to serve, Dr. Jackson," Jack muttered as he made his way back to the entrance.

Daniel started to translate the words, which began with a warning for all those who could read it. As a vital piece of the puzzle fell into place, he noticed Ilan moving off to his right.

"This must be the way to open the door, Daniel!" Ilan said, and Daniel saw Ilan had found a small lever embedded in the rock face just to the other side of the door. His mind blanked at the thought that Ilan would be so naive as to touch the lever, and then he realized the failure was his. He shouted for Ilan to stop as he stepped toward him. But there was a flash of light, the room rushed past him, and then he felt nothing.

* * *

He came to awareness slowly, reluctantly. His head was pounding, his gut roiling. Everything was sore and stiff, though he was resting on something soft. He groaned and tried to roll to his side so he could throw up on something besides himself.

"Calm yourself, Daniel Jackson. You are safe." That was Teal'c's voice, so it must be Teal'c's hand on his shoulder, holding him still. He was missing the point.

"Sick, Teal'c," he managed to croak out, and he tried to knock Teal'c's arm away. The movement caused shooting pains behind his eyes, and he groaned again.

"Easy, Daniel. I'm going to give you something for the nausea and headache. Just try to relax and take a few deep breaths, okay?" That was Janet, and he felt her hand on his arm. He tried to open his eyes, but the light was just a new source of pain.

He did what Janet had asked and managed not to vomit, while Janet gave him ice chips and calm reassurances and Teal'c kept a hand on his shoulder, also reassuring. The drugs were good, and after a few minutes he risked opening his eyes again. He looked into two concerned faces and tried to remember what he could have done to end up here again. Then he remembered what Teal'c had said.

"Um, why wouldn't I be safe?"

Daniel saw Janet look at Teal'c in confusion, and then Teal'c leaned over him, his calm face nearly filling Daniel's blurry vision. "You were injured in the cave, by a trap set by the previous inhabitants of the planet, Daniel Jackson."

Daniel cleared his throat and tried to process what Teal'c had just said. A cave, a trap, and a planet. Then he remembered many things at once, including walking into the cave with Jack and Ilan. He gasped and raised his arm to push Teal'c out of the way, managing to look down the row of beds in the infirmary. They were all empty.

"Where's Jack?" he asked, his voice desperate to his own ears.

"He's fine, Daniel." Janet said, patting his arm again. "He didn't want to leave, but, well, he needed to go back to the planet." Daniel saw Teal'c and Janet exchange a glance and knew there was more to hear, and he could pretty well guess what it was.

"Tell me. Please."

Teal'c looked at Janet, who nodded, then straightened and joined his hands behind his back in a familiar, formal pose, though his eyes were warm with sympathy. "I am sorry to tell you that Ilan was killed when the roof of the cave collapsed upon him, Daniel Jackson. The accident occurred two days ago. O'Neill has returned with Major Carter to attend the funeral service."

"Oh no." Daniel felt sick again, and he couldn't stop the tears that filled his eyes.

* * *

Later he awoke to the quiet voices of Sam and Janet, standing near the foot of his bed. Sam was wearing her dress uniform, and Daniel realized she must have just returned from the funeral. She saw he was awake and stepped to his bedside as Janet touched his foot through the blankets, smiled, and walked away.

"Daniel. How are you feeling?" She touched his hand and tried to smile.

"I must have screwed up, Sam. I don't remember what happened. I got Ilan killed, didn't I." He hated the pathetic tone of his voice.

"Daniel, please," Sam said as she pulled up a chair and sat down. "Janet told me you don't remember those last minutes because of the concussion. Teal'c and I didn't get there until it was too late, but the colonel told me what happened, and I've seen his report. It wasn't your fault."

Daniel wanted to believe her but couldn't; it was all too familiar. He found himself unable to say anything. He wasn't sure he could bear her concern or sympathy.

Taking his silence as consent, Sam described the panels and how he had opened the outer door, and that much he remembered. Then she recounted what the colonel had said they'd found inside, the message written in 'old Greek' as Jack had termed it, but that part didn't sound familiar at all.

He realized then, as perhaps he had before but had now forgotten, that the ancient Greek would have been easily readable by a Goa'uld. That must have been the intention of the trap makers. Make the Goa'uld work to open the outer door, then appeal to their laziness while tempting them so they'd want to get into the inner door. Leave a warning in case some of their own people ever returned.

"You were trying to figure out why the Pyrgosans had left that message and what it meant. Ilan must have found a mechanism to open the door. He activated it before you could stop him - the colonel heard you yell for him to stop. There was some explosive force that threw you both across the cave, and left you both unconscious."

"But Jack was - "

"He was outside, far enough away not to be affected. He went inside and dragged you out of the cave, but before he could go back in to get Ilan, the ceiling fell in. That must have been the second part of the trap. Teal'c and I got there a few minutes later, but there was nothing we could do." By her expression Sam was willing him not to take on the guilt, as though she knew it was a losing battle.

But Daniel understood then that he wouldn't be the only one blaming himself for what had happened. For now, he just wanted to hear the whole story, to get that part over with. "You were able to, um, retrieve his - his body?"

"Yes, but not until later." A shadow crossed Sam's face. "We carried you back to the village on the portable stretcher. You were still unconscious and bleeding - you, uh, cut the back of your head on the cave wall."

"Yeah, that's what Janet said." He couldn't resist reaching back to touch the bandage that covered the stitches.

"Anyway, Teal'c and I carried you on to the 'gate and brought you back here, but the colonel stayed behind in the village. It was nearly nightfall. The next morning, he led a group back up to the cave, and they, um, they recovered Ilan and brought him home."

"Jack stayed there overnight by himself, after what happened?" Daniel could only imagine how horrible that must have been for him. Ilan's wife and children bereft and inconsolable, probably blaming SG-1. He shouldn't have had to do that alone.

"Teal'c and I didn't think it was a good idea either, but he ordered us to leave. The villagers and Ilan's family were in shock, and the colonel was sure they wouldn't turn on him. Really, he seemed to be in shock himself. He hardly said a word."

Daniel pictured a grim Jack doing what had to be done without unnecessary ceremony.

"And the funeral?" he asked.

Sam looked like she might cry, and Daniel was grateful she didn't. "Um, it was pretty bad. His sons are so sad; even the little girl knows something is wrong. She keeps calling for her dad, searching the houses in the village."

"Oh god," Daniel said, and his own distant memories threatened to overwhelm him. Sam looked at him with a worried frown, and took his hand. They sat in silence for long moments.

"It's not like we haven't seen people die before, you know?" she said finally, as if surprised by her own strong reaction. He nodded in response. They'd seen a lot of death on missions, but not like this, a man who'd befriended them killed by ghosts, aiming for someone else. If they couldn't feel sadness for this death, then they were dying inside themselves.

"How is Tara?" he asked finally.

Sam lowered her gaze to their joined hands, as if she knew what he was really asking - whether Tara blamed SG-1 for what had happened. "She's very strong, Daniel. She's just a little lost right now."

Daniel winced; so Tara did blame them, and of course she was right to. "There must be something we can do for her." But he knew any gesture would be more to assuage their guilt than to provide any real solace to Ilan's family or friends.

"Yes, General Hammond is going to send a diplomatic team in to see what they might need or want. They're a close-knit community, Daniel. His family will be cared for." But Daniel was not ready yet to let himself be comforted by the value of such a promise.

* * *

That night Daniel woke to find Jack sitting beside his bed in rumpled BDU's, dozing, his chin resting on his chest. He looked exhausted, his face pale. Daniel decided not to wake him, knowing they could talk later, and he drifted back to sleep.

* * *

The next afternoon, Janet released Daniel from the infirmary to finish his convalescence at home. He was a bit shaky on his feet, though the headache was nearly gone. Sam had insisted on giving him a ride home, but first Daniel wanted to see Jack, whom he hadn't spoken with since the accident.

"Hey, Jack," he said from the doorway of Jack's office. Jack looked up from his paperwork and managed a small smile, though he still looked very tired.

"Hey, Fraiser let you out, huh?" His tone was carefully, falsely casual.

"Yeah. She wants me to take it easy for a day or two, so I'm on my way home. It's good to be out of there, anyway."

"Yeah, sorry I didn't get by to visit. Been a bit swamped." Jack gestured at his nearly clean desk and then looked away.

"No, no, I understand," Daniel said, not so surprised Jack hadn't admitted to visiting him. "I wouldn't have been much company anyway."

"Right, well you should get out of here, before Fraiser changes her mind." Jack looked anxious to be left alone, which Daniel didn't think would be best for either of them.

"Jack, I think we need to talk about what happened. I don't know about you, but I'm feeling very, uh, well, bad about it, I guess is the word." He thought 'bad' didn't begin to cover it.

"It was an accident, Daniel," Jack said, his voice just a little louder. "Sometimes things just go to shit, and there's nothing you can do to stop it, or change it afterward." Daniel's chest tightened at the look of misery that crossed Jack's face in spite of his words, reflecting Charlie as well as Ilan: a new burden added.

"No, I know that, but I feel responsible. And I know you do, too, so don't try to deny it." Jack just stared at him, so he continued. "I'm sorry I wasn't at the funeral."

"I am responsible. And don't be sorry - it wasn't a lot of fun."

"I mean I'm sorry I wasn't there with you, Jack. Of course it wasn't fun." Daniel fought to repress his frustration with Jack's purposeful obtuseness.

"Look, Daniel." His voice was softer now. "I'm tired. You're tired. What do you say we both take it easy for now, then we can talk about all... this." He waved his arm vaguely.

"Okay, Jack," He sighed in resignation and started to leave, but then turned back. "There's one more thing I wanted to say." Jack looked on expectantly. "Just, thanks for, you know, getting me out of the cave. You saved my life, again."

To Daniel's dismay, Jack looked stunned, as if that were the last thing he'd wanted to hear. Then his face went blank, like a curtain had dropped behind his eyes, and he shrugged. "Yeah, no problem. Now go get some rest, okay? And be careful." Daniel left, confused and worried, and knowing none of this was over.

* * *

A few days later, Daniel waited in the gate room with Teal'c and Sam, recovered physically, though that last bit of memory hadn't returned. To his disappointment, Janet had said it was probably lost forever.

But his greater concern was that Jack had managed to deflect several attempts to talk in detail about what had happened, and nothing was resolved. He thought perhaps there was something Jack didn't want him to remember or know, and tried to think what it could be. Had he made a mistake that had killed Ilan, and was Jack now covering for him?

He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Ilan and his family, the way Tara had teased and smiled at her husband. Only the focus of his work gave him any respite, his sleep fitful and troubled. Jack's refusal to talk to him about it was like a wound shared between them.

Then, at his pre-mission check-up, Janet mentioned that the colonel had hounded her about whether Daniel was really ready to return to duty, even suggesting she perform extra tests to look for hidden brain injuries. Daniel had snorted at that, and thanked Janet for refusing.

He hoped their new mission, to an apparently uninhabited planet with intriguing mineral traces and an abandoned temple, would clear his mind and give him a chance to talk to Jack and finally draw him out.

Daniel glanced at his watch again just as Jack strode in, geared up for the mission. Focused and serious, he approached Daniel and held out a standard issue helmet, of the type Daniel had worn during his early days on SG-1. "Wear this," he said, and reached up as if he wanted to put it on Daniel's head right then and there.

Daniel took a step back and held up a hand, speechless for a moment. "Jack, tell me you're joking," he said with a nervous laugh. "We haven't worn those for years." Daniel was embarrassed for Jack, who wasn't moving. He couldn't help shooting glances at his teammates, drawing them into his little scene. He felt as if his reality had just shifted several universes to the left.

Jack was obviously aware of everyone staring at him. He scowled for a moment then stepped closer, pressing the helmet against Daniel's chest. "Daniel," he said quietly, deadly serious, but Daniel could see a plaintiveness too.

Daniel took the helmet from him, unable to resist that pleading. "I'll bring it along Jack, okay?" he practically whispered. Without another word, Jack nodded, turned away, and walked up the ramp and through the open 'gate, leaving his team to follow him.

* * *

"I need to climb up there if I'm going to videotape those friezes, Teal'c," Daniel said. "I can't get the detail from here." Daniel had stepped back so he could see them better, along the upper half of the thirty-foot high, rectangular stone temple. He had tried filming them from the ground, but the ledge protruding from the building blocked the bottom portion of the ancient scenes, and the angle was all wrong anyway.

"Are the images so important?" Teal'c asked with a raised eyebrow. The look that denoted skepticism, Daniel realized, and sighed.

"Well, they're just pictures of how these people lived, I think. Farming methods and fertility rites and other rituals. But the style is not one I've seen before. So, no, maybe not to you or Jack, but on Earth this would be a big discovery."

"We are not on Earth."

Daniel was pretty sure that was a joke, and he knew the reason behind his friend's reluctance. "I just need half an hour up there, to shoot the video and maybe take a few rubbings of the more worn images. Jack won't be here for at least an hour, right? You know he'll never read my report, so he'll never know. Besides, he'll be tired from the hike and happy to hear we can go home early."

He thought how exhausted Jack had looked when he and Sam had left to retrieve the UAV, which had lost power and landed three miles from the 'gate in the other direction. Jack had grumbled about having to walk over rough terrain in the chilly, overcast weather, but had declined Teal'c's offer to go instead. Probably another attempt to avoid talking about what had happened to Ilan, Daniel had thought with sadness.

"It is my duty to protect you," Teal'c said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yes, of course, you always protect me." And it occurred to Daniel that it might not be fair to Teal'c to take such a gift for granted. "But you also allow me to do my job."

"O'Neill demanded that I not permit you to risk any injury to yourself."

"Ah, but you know he's not acting like himself, Teal'c. I don't know what's wrong with him, but I can't work if you treat me like I'm made of glass."

Teal'c clearly didn't disagree, but wasn't willing to give in yet. Daniel noticed he was staring at something and followed his line of sight to his own hip, where the helmet Jack had given him was hanging from a clip on his backpack.

"Oh, no way, Teal'c. Not you too!"

Teal'c reacted to his agitation with that steady, implacable gaze, but something gave way, just a little. "You are correct about O'Neill's behavior, Daniel Jackson. You may perform your duties as you desire, but you must wear the head gear O'Neill provided."

Daniel thought he might burst a blood vessel in frustration. But Teal'c was an immovable object, so Daniel roughly unhooked the helmet and put it on, chin strap and all. Muttering to himself, he removed his pack and vest, dropping them carelessly to the ground. He wanted to get on with it, and he wanted as little stuff in his way as possible.

Their bargain struck, Teal'c gave him a boost up so he could grab a handhold below the ledge, which was twelve feet above the ground. The ledge was narrower than it had appeared from below, maybe 18 inches wide. To film with proper perspective and field of view, he had to face out away from the building and hold the video camera at arms length, aimed back at the friezes. With the large viewfinder turned around he could see what he was filming, though all of his movements were reversed.

He stepped sideways to his right and bit by bit captured the artwork on tape. It was quite beautiful, though much of the original color was gone. He resisted the urge to try to decipher the meanings as he went. He reached the first corner and made his way gingerly around it, the muted sunlight a bit stronger along the new wall. He was maneuvering around the second corner when he heard voices approaching from his left. It was too soon - Jack should not be here yet, but clearly he was, and Daniel felt a surge of dread at the confrontation that was now inevitable.

Even with a moment to prepare, he was surprised when he heard it, so jarring and accusing. "Daniel! What the hell are you doing up there!"

He was poised right at the corner, one foot along each wall. He looked down to see Jack, with Sam and Teal'c right behind him. Jack pulled off his cap and stuffed it into his back pocket, revealing his face completely. He was as furious as Daniel had ever seen him.

"Calm down, Jack. It's okay." He held out one palm, then with his other hand turned off the video camera and lowered it to his side. Like an enemy lowering his weapon, he thought.

"Bullshit!" Jack yelled up at him. Then Jack turned to Teal'c and, to Daniel's astonishment, grabbed the front of Teal'c's vest with one hand. "You promised me, Teal'c," Daniel heard him hiss through clenched teeth.

"Sir, please!" Sam cried, and she touched the arm that was grabbing Teal'c. Daniel thought that was a brave thing to do given the circumstances.

"You will remove your hand from me, O'Neill," Teal'c said, fighting to control his anger, but Jack didn't move.

Daniel felt his world was disintegrating below him. "Jack, I'm coming down now," he called as calmly as he could.

Daniel kept his eye on Jack, who released Teal'c and turned to stare at him. As he lifted his right foot to bring it back from around the corner, he was thinking about how he would sit on the ledge, hook the video camera to his belt, turn around, and lower himself by his hands. He was thinking about what Jack was going to do to him once he got down, since even now he couldn't resist the urge to yell at him. As his foot slipped, he realized he shouldn't have been thinking about so many things at one time.

He heard his name shouted again, in several voices, and the next thing he knew he was on the damp, grassy ground, staring up at the cloudy sky, trying to breathe air into empty lungs. Then Jack was there, his face a vision of panic. "Daniel?" he asked, and his hands were pressing arms, legs, and ribs, looking for broken bones. Someone else was removing his helmet, straightening his glasses and touching the back of his scalp where the stitches had been; Sam, he guessed.

In spite of all the prodding, Daniel managed a couple of deep breaths and sat up. "I'm okay, I'm okay," he said, and he thought he really was. Jack must have thought so too, because he grabbed Daniel by his shirt front with both hands and yanked him to his feet. His eyes were dark and narrowed with fury.

"I didn't pull you out of that cave so you could kill yourself filming some damned worthless pictures!" Jack yelled, and he punctuated his sentence by shaking Daniel once, then holding him in place, their faces almost touching. He was daring Daniel to argue.

It was too much. Daniel's concern for Jack finally gave way to anger, and he grabbed Jack's hands and pulled hard, almost dislodging them. "Dammit, Jack, what is your problem? I'm doing my job! And as far as I remember, I never asked you to pull me out of the damn cave." He was yelling too, could see his spit hitting Jack's face, but he didn't care.

Jack's jaw clenched tight and he hissed, "Yeah, well maybe next time I won't bother. Ungrateful damned..." Daniel flinched at that, and then so did Jack, and he let go and stepped back, never looking at the shocked faces of Sam and Teal'c.

Daniel took a deep breath and turned to them; they clearly didn't know what to do, and he had only the faintest of ideas himself. "Hey guys, I think Jack and I need to talk for a minute."

"We'll wait nearby, Daniel, Colonel," Sam said, and Teal'c gave Jack a stern, warning look. Then they walked off toward the woods, stopping where they could obviously see but not hear.

Daniel turned back to Jack, worried and frustrated. "Jack, you have to tell me what's going on. You can't continue like this. I hope that's obvious."

"Oh yeah, but take my word for it - this will be worse. You're so not gonna like it." He sighed and turned, and they walked over to a large, flat-topped boulder. Jack hopped up to sit on it. Daniel stood in front of him, too apprehensive to sit down.

"So," Daniel said.

"You're not gonna like it."

"Yeah, so you said." After a moment he said what he'd been thinking since he'd noticed Jack's strange behavior. "It was my mistake that killed him. That's what you've been hiding." Daniel was sure of it.

To Daniel's surprise, Jack looked stricken. "No, no, Daniel. You didn't do anything wrong. That was all me."

"What? You were outside the cave - what could you have done wrong?" At Jack's hesitation, Daniel asked again. "What, Jack?"

"I - okay, okay, I'll try. Just, don't say I didn't warn you." He smiled a sad, lopsided smile, as if he knew their friendship would not survive the next few minutes. Daniel met his gaze, willing him to continue anyway, and finally Jack cleared his throat. "You were both unconscious, thrown across the cave. I was checking you over, found the blood on your head. There, um, seemed to be a lot of it. Ilan was out but didn't look hurt otherwise. Then you opened your eyes."

"I did?"

"Yeah, you looked at me and said, 'Get out, Jack'. So quiet, but with that determined look you get. I tried to ask you what was wrong, but then you were out again."

"Honestly, I don't remember what would have made me say that." Daniel closed his eyes for a moment, but it didn't help. There must have been some clue on the panel, now buried in that rubble along with his memory of it.

"Anyway, I figured you must know something bad was up, so I grabbed you and started dragging you to the entrance. I'd barely gotten moving when the place started shaking, the ceiling coming down in pieces. Then I knew what you'd been warning me about. The second part of the trap."

Daniel nodded, but a feeling of dread started to grow, the pieces falling into place. "But Ilan... "

Jack held up a hand. "I'm getting to that. He started moving around, coming to. He looked up at me, confused. I yelled for him to get up and get the hell out of there."

"You didn't help him?"

"I had my hands full with you. He was awake - you were out cold and bleeding all over the place." Jack's voice was more haunted than defensive.

"Why didn't he get out?"

Jack seemed to ignore him, caught up in telling the story. "I got us moving again - it wasn't very far to the door. I was yelling at him to get the hell up, but every time he tried, the shaking knocked him down again. He reached out to me, begged me to help him. But I just kept on moving. Finally a big chunk of ceiling hit him and he stayed down." Jack finished quietly, then dropped his head to stare at his hands, clasped in his lap.

Daniel looked at him in disbelief. Feeling suddenly light-headed, he sat down heavily beside Jack and turned to look at his downcast profile. "But what if he was still alive?"

Jack flinched at that, and raised his head without turning. "I tried to go back for him. Dropped you like a sack of flour as soon as we were clear. But the thing caved in for real, and there was nothing but dust clouds and a pile of rubble."

The full realization of what had happened made Daniel sick to his stomach. "You knew all along you wouldn't have time to save him, didn't you, while you were saving me."

Jack ran his hands through his hair, then looked at Daniel with that sad smile again. "Yeah, I knew. It was happening so fast, but I knew I was getting you out and what that meant for him, if he couldn't save himself. There was no time. I knew it."

"He had a family, Jack. People who depended on him."

"Yes. So do you."

"You know what I mean," Daniel said, refusing to be manipulated. "You befriended him. He trusted you!"

"He did, didn't he," Jack said with infinite weariness. "You know, it was strange - when he realized I couldn't, um, wasn't going to help him, he never looked angry. Just surprised, like he didn't know what he'd done to deserve it."

Daniel gasped in despair of that image. "God, Jack. You shouldn't have saved me instead. You know I would have stopped you."

"I know, but I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry you're alive. Even if it means some innocent from a backward village on a planet I'll never see again had to die instead." There was defiance in his voice, but it wasn't stronger than the grief radiating from him.

Daniel's gut clenched, anger building even as he tried to clamp it down for Jack's sake, because he was suffering too. "Stop it. You don't mean that, and you know it doesn't work that way."

"I had to choose, and I did. If it happened again, I'd make the same choice. I swear I would." Jack looked right at him, daring Daniel to condemn him for it.

"Jack, dammit."

"If you can't - if you can't accept what I did, well, I will be sorry about that," he said quietly. And it was clear why Jack hadn't told him, that he'd known how Daniel would react. That after saving him, he would lose him anyway.

They sat in silence, and Daniel felt the chill of the boulder soaking through his BDU's. He imagined himself at the edge of a cliff, looking into endless darkness. In the abyss was his righteousness and anger, beckoning to him, offering to take his friendship with Jack in return. SG-1 as he knew it would end, too; he couldn't work with Jack if they weren't friends, if Daniel couldn't trust him to honor his principles.

Behind him, safe on flat ground, was acceptance of what Jack had done and might do again, because after all he'd had an impossible choice to make and had done the best he could. He tried to imagine what he would have done in Jack's place. Would he have let Jack die to save Ilan? Why? Because Ilan's wife and children were still with him and Jack's weren't? No, he couldn't imagine leaving Jack to die, or living with it afterward if he did. He wondered what it was within him that expected something of Jack that he likely couldn't have done himself. Then another question occurred to him.

"All of this, um, psychotic overprotection. What is that all about?"

"What? Oh, I guess I thought if I could keep you from getting yourself killed, then maybe I'd be giving some, I don't know, meaning to Ilan's death. Or something." He waved his arm vaguely.

"I see."

"And hey, you gotta admit, I was right to be over-protective. If you hadn't been wearing that helmet just now, you would have cracked your head again."

"If I hadn't... Jesus, Jack." Daniel shook his head, remembering Jack yelling up at him like a madman while he'd tried to climb down from that ledge. His glanced over at the ruins, so ordinary after all they'd seen, but they had served a purpose of sorts today.

He knew Jack was waiting for his judgment, and while he felt unworthy to judge anyone, he knew he had to be true to himself for both their sakes. He sat for long moments gathering his thoughts, about morality and the choices he'd made as a member of SG-1, an emissary of Earth. About how little power they had in the universe, and about what really mattered to him.

He took a deep breath, willing strength into his voice. "Jack, you know I never would have wanted you to save me over Ilan. But despite what you say now, you didn't make that choice without knowing what it would cost you. You were willing to take on that guilt, for me. That, well, that means something to me. A lot, actually."

There was a tinge of hope in Jack's expression as he turned to meet Daniel's eyes. "You're not just humoring me, are you? 'Cause I'm not asking for that."

"'When have I ever humored you?"

"Good point."

Daniel tried to imagine moving on from what had happened, stepping back from the edge of that cliff and walking away, and found that he nearly could. That this - tragedy - would be added to so many others that one or both of them had had a part in. Yes, both of them. "I wish you'd told me before," he said. "You aren't the only one responsible, you know. If I'd figured out what was going on sooner, or stopped Ilan from touching whatever it was he touched..."

"Knock it off, Daniel. I told him not to touch anything - he just got too excited. And I think you're the only person I know who could feel guilty for something he doesn't even remember."

Daniel couldn't suppress a smile. "I'm just sayin',"

"What?"

"Well, I think you had it right the first time. Sometimes shit happens, and you do the best you can. You did the best you could, Jack. The best any of us could."

Jack's sigh was audible, and Daniel felt the tension draining from them both, could suddenly feel the warmth of Jack's shoulder next to his. "Well, what do we do now?" Daniel asked finally.

"I guess we make sure Ilan's family is taken care of. Hell, the whole village."

"Yeah," Daniel nodded, then realized something more. "You didn't tell them everything either, did you."

"No, I didn't tell them. But it's not because I care what they think of me, y'know?"

"I know." Perhaps he hadn't known, but he did now.

"It'll be easier for them to live with his death if they think he never woke up, that no one could have saved him. Hating me won't make them feel better."

"Yeah," Daniel said, though he knew not telling the truth was another burden for Jack. "Maybe someday we can go check on them, bring them that baseball stuff."

"Yeah, maybe someday." But Jack's shoulders stiffened, and Daniel knew it was a lot to expect. Not that he couldn't make a recommendation to General Hammond himself, about the baseball gear at least.

"Anyway, about this overprotectiveness stuff."

"You really don't like it, huh?" Jack lifted an eyebrow and smiled sardonically.

"Um, no. That would be a 'no'. Did I mention, 'no'?"

Jack held up his hands in mock protest. "Okay, okay, I got it. I'll try to dial it back a notch or three." His face turned more serious. "But I meant what I said, Daniel. You get yourself killed, and what happened, well, it'll have been for nothing."

"I'll do my best, Jack," he said with as much conviction as he could. He wanted to talk about what Jack had said, about making the same choice again. But he decided it could wait until they weren't both so tired or raw. "Well, Sam and Teal'c are probably worried. Should we head back?" At Jack's nod, Daniel stood and straightened his BDU's, shaking off the cold. Jack stood also and to Daniel's surprise put a hand on his shoulder.

"Just, uh, thanks, Daniel," he said, giving the shoulder a firm squeeze, then releasing it.

Daniel shrugged, "Nothing to thank me for." He wondered if he'd made the right choice or the easy one, the one with the fewest consequences. He hoped both.

They headed toward their teammates, who saw them and began walking to meet them.

"I think we should tell Sam and Teal'c everything," Daniel said quietly.

Jack groaned, not so quietly. "Now, how did I know you were going to say that?"

"Years of direct observation?"

"You betcha, Doctor Jackson." Jack put his cap back on and gave Daniel a smirk, which in this context was as much as he could have hoped for.


End file.
